A Noble Quest

The witterings of a sorely deluded soul who enjoys debate with herself and others.

Friday, 3 August 2012

The Tightrope to Confession and the Tightrope to Life

I have decided to open this with a confession. You may never have read anything by me before, you may have read it all. Acting the joker, having a witty tongue (or witty fingertips in the case of blogging), are very much part of me. I line things I write with attempts at comedy. I approach topics with an arsenal of jokes lined up, just in case I get upset. I approach my faith and my sexuality with such joviality (?).

Perhaps I need to step away from jokes, however witty or unfunny they may be. The purpose of planting humour for me, is to plant a diversion, to get the people who do happen to read what I write, slightly away from I, the writer. Maybe I don’t need a fulltime exodus, I just need to be a little more honest, a little more personal, a little more open.

If I laugh away the insults, joke away the pain, then I can pretend to be triumphant for a short while, until I go to my room and feel deflated. Even if I scoffed or smirked or smiled it away, it rests in my head, staying there for the day, whispering in the evening, plaguing in the night. Humour is my reflex. It’s not there to be funny, it’s there as a defense.

I feel like I needed to admit this.

Having a sexuality which involves same sex attraction (I have yet to pinpoint it down), is hard. So I get attacked from this angle.

Being a Christian can be hard. I shall never, ever claim that it is hard like it is in certain countries; I do not face such oppression.

Yet I already fear that I’ve talked too much about myself, that this post is riddled with far too many first person pronouns. What I am trying to discuss is the balance between being Christian and being gay (or whatever I happen to be).

The cliché of the fine line or walking down a tightrope is very apt. Scared of stepping over the boundary, fearing floundering and falling, not realising that beneath this line, this thin, fragile rope, there is a safety net.


He’s there to catch to us, there to put us back on the narrow path. And when we are ready, He’ll teach us how to soar, rather than stumble, to fly, rather than falter, to touch the stars over the dirt. Christ is there for us. We not excluded from His love. When Jesus told us that God loves us, Jesus did not lie, personally I imagine Jesus blossoming with joy. Jesus knows this truth, He shows us this truth, let us embrace it, let us embrace Christ. Christ’s finger points to something so wonderful, so amazing, so awesome. May our eyes look to where it points, not just His finger. Let our feet begin the journey to God, with Jesus’ hand in ours.

The last thing I wish to do is enforce, I despise enforcement and the attitude, “You have to agree with me, otherwise you’re wrong.” I just felt compelled to write this, the Holy Spirit guiding me. Whether or not this inspires you, or encourages you, I pray that the Lord Jesus blesses you. 

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